Pre Departure Nervousness

It's weird to think that in less than a week's time I will be on the other side of the world. I mean, I've been planning this trip for almost a year, but it's always seemed so distant. And to think that I should be more prepared for having been planning for this long, going to foreign country I know little about, nothing about the language, or know anyone I am going with. But I am leaving a month earlier than planned, and only knew about leaving a few weeks ago so that hasn't given me as much time to prepare so I am getting a little anxious. Don't get me wrong- I am way excited. I can hardly believe the time is already here! It is a mix of emotions. Stressful figuring out what to pack and bring or just buy there. I feel like I over pack in general because I want to be prepared but I also don't want to weigh down my suitcases or have too much to carry. A little sad for leaving all my friends here in Provo. I feel like I have finally gotten to make amazing friends, and I actually like my jobs and the people I work with. After my freshman year it seemed that most of my really good friends left for missions and it felt like I had to start the whole process all over again. And now it seems I will be leaving everything behind. A friend of mine just came out to BYU after she graduated and another one of my best friends just moved in with me. Of course I will be back - it is only 5 months. Just like any study abroad would be, and still shorter than a mission. It's a little sad to think about- especially when I talk about leaving to my friends or people from school, work, or my ward, and everyone says they will be so sad I'm leaving! I think that's the hard part, if people didn't care I was leaving it wouldn't be as bad ;) Haha it makes me feel good to be missed though. And like I said it is only 5 months. And I am going to CHINA! It's a whole nother world there and I will have so many adventures and fun. It's
my dream to travel. So as much as it is sad to leave all my friends behind I wouldn't trade it and I am definitely more excited than sad. Up until this point though I've been just excited. People would ask me if I was nervous and I would answer confidently "nope." I was too busy being excited to be nervous. But now the realization is starting to hit me, so I've made a list of my
main concerns

1) I am in a country I've never been to, where I don't speak the language and my parents aren't there to help me and I don't know the people I am going with. I am not good at
learning languages. What if I get lost from my group or something bad
happens
2) China is not very sanitary. Its overcrowded. There are so many diseases and sicknesses you can get and precautions and things to avoid. I feel like one little mishaps and you can get a serious illness and its kind of scary. Again specially on your own in a foreign country....
3) I don't know who I am going with! Well other volunteers of course but what if we don't get along? What if I end up being the odd one out and everyone is friends but me or we can't agree on
things to do together or anything like that. 5 months is a long time to be alone. Being in another country doesn't sound as fun when you don't get along with your group.
4) What if I am terrible at teaching? What if I can't think of good ideas, or my kids don't like me, or they misbehave a lot and are out of control?
5) This is just a little paranoid but ever since we got our cameras stolen in France I am afraid of getting something stolen or lost. More specifically my nice camera- of course I want
to bring it for nice pictures. But I am terrified of losing it or damaging it.

There are so nany things that can go wrong. Ill be in a town in southern china and there can be typhooms and bad storms. What if I get in an accident while traveling? Yeah I know chances of any of these things happen are small especially if I am careful. I feel like a majority of my life I have held back from things because of worried and fears. And I miss out on a lot of great stuff. So I am trying to be better at facing my fears. I don't want to let these silly fears that most likely won't come
to pass keep me from this great adventure. Sure, it will be scary. Sure it will be hard, crowded, dirty, confusing, different. I am sure I will have lonely days or days where I just
wanna cry and go home. I don't usually get home sick - I feel like I usually adapt to change
pretty well but I guess this will be the real test ;). The point is there will be days where I may not completely enjoy being therr but I think I will enjoy it more than I won't. And I get to experience a
whole new way of life and culture! A little scared for the food maybe haha , I have heard of some strange things. But I hope to make a difference in the lives of the kids I teach, and learn a lot and
grow. Along with traveling and site seeing of course. So here's to adventures! Cheers,

Kelita